My husband and I have a beautiful 2 year old Persian cat named Snacks. He is a wonderful companion and is spoiled rotten as all pets should be. Often times we wonder what he is thinking and if he could speak to us, what would he say?
Excerpts from the Diary of My Cat
Day 433 with the Humans – I have discovered a green light that appears on the floor and walls and moves around in random patterns when the Humans are near. I have yet to uncover the origin of this green light nor have I been successful in capturing it despite my best efforts. It taunts me.
Day 476 with the Humans – Today I learned that the flat plastic thing on the desk controls the Google Machine. When I sit on it magical things happen. I feel I am one step closer to my ultimate goal of freedom. Soon I will be able to sell the Humans on EBay. I find myself full of hope, but I must not let the Humans suspect my plan. I will muster up a hairball on the rug of the bathroom floor later as to continue my show intolerance.
Day 477 with the Humans – Note to self, find out what EBay is.
Day 493 with the Humans – I have fallen in to the depths of despair. The humans stayed in bed until 7:15 today with little regard to my normal feeding time which is at 6:30. It is only a matter of time before I starve. In protest I will stare out the window for 3 hours today looking at nothing. I suspect this will confuse the Humans. Maybe next time they will make a better choice.
Day 511 with the Humans – My home has been invaded by much smaller, sticky, loud Humans which I believe they call “Children”, a ridiculous name. I loathed them immediately. They brought with them a captive of their own, a small teddy bear with no name thus confirming the enormity of their cruelty. I found him discarded on the floor. In a show of solidarity I have hidden him under the bed. I believe him to be a kindred spirit. I will name him and shield him from the horrors of this world. It is nice to have a friend.
Day 565 with the Humans – Due to an unfortunate issue with last night’s dinner, today I found myself spending a lot of time in the box. Once fully relieved, I proceeded to drag my butt across the Human’s white carpet in an effort to properly clean myself. I seem to have angered the Humans and in retaliation they have made me get wet and now I smell of some sort of fragrance. This insanity cannot continue.
Day 698 with the Humans – Today I found out that the Humans have entered me into a ‘Pet of the Month’ contest and I have won. I have never known such humiliation. There are no words to describe the suffering I must endure.
Day 714 with the Humans – I spent 5 hours today completing an intense rotation of licking myself and napping. I fear I am getting fat. Tomorrow, I will double my efforts.
Day 742 with the Humans – The Humans had more visitors today and with them… a Dog. Up until now I was convinced that no creature could be more frustrating than Humans themselves. I was wrong. My best efforts to communicate with this animal have failed. Its happiness and love for its Humans disgusts me. I will monitor its activities closely as I suspect that Dogs might be part of an Alien plot to take over the world. On second thought, I find this to be acceptable. I will nap and continue to ponder this.
Day 787 with the Humans – I have established a set of rules for the Humans as their apparent lack of discipline is maddening. These rules are as follows:
- Only 2 pets are allowed on the body part presented. ONLY 2. No more, no less.
- Doors are to remain open at all times regardless of my complete lack of interest to be in the same room the Humans are in.
- Toys are not to be moved from the areas I have placed them in. They are placed strategically to cause injury, pain and death.
- If I choose to sit on a piece of furniture, that is not an invitation to sit next to me. There is a 5 foot bubble. Stay out of my bubble.
- All vacuum cleaners or other devices that make loud noises are to be removed from the premises immediately.
Day 812 with the Humans – I have been observing the Humans behavior. They throw a ball, I do nothing, they go get it and throw it again. This goes on for many minutes. I have come to the conclusion that they are stupid.
While I would like to think that Snacks is just as happy in our family as we are to have him, I do sometimes suspect that this is closer to the truth. Keep checking back for more excerpts from the dairy of my cat.